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Encountering refusal, particularly when it recurs often, is anything but enjoyable. Someone is saying no, delivering a definite “Not interested.” As a writer, I am familiar with rejection. I started submitting articles half a century past, upon completing my studies. Over the years, I have had two novels declined, along with article pitches and numerous short stories. Over the past 20 years, concentrating on personal essays, the refusals have multiplied. In a typical week, I get a setback frequently—totaling in excess of 100 each year. Cumulatively, denials in my profession number in the thousands. At this point, I might as well have a advanced degree in handling no’s.

But, does this seem like a complaining rant? Not at all. Since, at last, at the age of 73, I have embraced being turned down.

How Did I Achieve This?

A bit of background: At this point, almost every person and others has said no. I’ve never kept score my win-lose ratio—doing so would be very discouraging.

As an illustration: not long ago, a publication nixed 20 pieces one after another before approving one. A few years ago, over 50 editors rejected my memoir proposal before a single one accepted it. A few years later, 25 agents passed on a book pitch. One editor suggested that I send my work less frequently.

The Phases of Rejection

In my 20s, all rejections stung. I took them personally. It was not just my creation being rejected, but me as a person.

No sooner a piece was rejected, I would go through the phases of denial:

• First, disbelief. What went wrong? Why would they be ignore my skill?
• Second, denial. Maybe they rejected the incorrect submission? This must be an administrative error.
• Then, dismissal. What do any of you know? Who made you to hand down rulings on my efforts? You’re stupid and your publication stinks. I refuse this refusal.
• Fourth, anger at them, then frustration with me. Why do I subject myself to this? Am I a glutton for punishment?
• Fifth, pleading (often accompanied by false hope). How can I convince you to acknowledge me as a exceptional creator?
• Then, depression. I’m not talented. Worse, I’ll never be accomplished.

I experienced this for decades.

Excellent Company

Naturally, I was in excellent fellowship. Stories of writers whose work was originally declined are legion. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Virtually all renowned author was first rejected. Since they did succeed despite no’s, then possibly I could, too. The basketball legend was cut from his high school basketball team. Many Presidents over the past six decades had previously lost races. The filmmaker claims that his movie pitch and attempt to star were turned down numerous times. He said rejection as a wake-up call to motivate me and persevere, not backing down,” he has said.

The Seventh Stage

Later, as I reached my later years, I achieved the last step of setback. Acceptance. Currently, I more clearly see the various causes why an editor says no. Firstly, an reviewer may have just published a comparable article, or be planning one in progress, or be considering something along the same lines for another contributor.

Or, more discouragingly, my idea is of limited interest. Or maybe the evaluator feels I lack the credentials or standing to succeed. Or is no longer in the business for the work I am offering. Maybe was busy and scanned my work too quickly to recognize its abundant merits.

Feel free call it an realization. Any work can be rejected, and for numerous reasons, and there is almost nothing you can do about it. Many explanations for rejection are forever not up to you.

Within Control

Additional reasons are your fault. Admittedly, my proposals may sometimes be poorly thought out. They may be irrelevant and resonance, or the idea I am attempting to convey is insufficiently dramatised. Alternatively I’m being obviously derivative. Maybe an aspect about my writing style, notably commas, was unacceptable.

The essence is that, despite all my years of exertion and setbacks, I have achieved published in many places. I’ve written multiple works—my first when I was in my fifties, another, a autobiography, at 65—and over numerous essays. These works have featured in magazines major and minor, in diverse outlets. My first op-ed was published in my twenties—and I have now written to various outlets for five decades.

However, no major hits, no book signings at major stores, no spots on talk shows, no Ted Talks, no prizes, no big awards, no Nobel Prize, and no medal. But I can more readily handle rejection at this stage, because my, small successes have cushioned the jolts of my many rejections. I can afford to be thoughtful about it all today.

Valuable Setbacks

Denial can be helpful, but when you pay attention to what it’s attempting to show. Or else, you will probably just keep interpreting no’s the wrong way. What teachings have I learned?

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